My sexy beast
Has anyone ever had any issues coming out as asexual to past sexual partners? This just came up for the first time tonight.
Like… I’m worried about them asking, “well why’d you have sex with me?”
And I’m still friends with them, so I don’t really want to answer with, “I was unconsciously reenacting the sexual abuse I experienced as a child in an attempt to create a sense of normalcy because I didn’t know that asexuality was an option. And because the idea of desiring physical intimacy was alien to me and that abuse was the only template I had for what it should look like.”
Because, it’s not their fault that I was casting them in the role of my abuser. I actually really like a couple of my old partners. OK, I really like one of them. But I don’t dislike any of them enough to say, “lol you reminded me of people who raped me.”
I know not all asexual people have a history of sexual abuse tied up in their identity as ace, but still, anyone out there have any feedback?
cyclonias replied to your post:Hey, Elena. I noticed you used an asterisk in your trans tag. I’ve been told that that’s unnecessary at best, and exclusionary at worst. Can you tell me why you’re using it?u know that mtf and ftm is something a lot of trans people, including myself, don’t like being used to describe them right
Is there an alternative term you would prefer?
Someone else suggested amab/afab, camab/cafab/, dmab/dfab, which many folks don’t consider much different than mtf and ftm. Different people like different things, but there are a lot of trans people who do not want to refer to the gender they were assigned at birth at all (though there are plenty of trans people who are comfortable doing so).
When you said mtf and ftm in your original post, I don’t know if you were referring to binary trans folks only? In that case, you can just say binary trans women and trans men. As far as I know, no one who identifies as trans binary people have a problem with those terms.
Keep in mind that identifying with the phrases “trans woman” or “trans men” doesn’t necessarily mean that the person fits into the binary. Trans feminine and trans masculine may be more inclusive, though.
I’m annoyed by the people commenting that “someone will get angry/offended no matter what.” That doesn’t mean it’s not a worthwhile subject to discuss. It doesn’t mean we can’t learn different ways to talk about the subject and try to be more inclusive. And it doesn’t mean that all potential anger isn’t valid.
Uuugh more gross kissing noises in voyager.
Hey, Elena. I noticed you used an asterisk in your trans tag. I've been told that that's unnecessary at best, and exclusionary at worst. Can you tell me why you're using it?
I don’t understand how it can be considered exclusionary, I haven’t seen an argument for that. (I’m always open to see that perspective if you have links, though.)This site explains its usage pretty well, and why I use it: http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2012/05/what-does-the-asterisk-in-trans-stand-for/
When I have posted in the past about questioning whether I’m on the trans spectrum or not, I had some people tell me I wasn’t “trans enough” and to me that’s pretty bullshit. I add the asterisk to clarify that when I say trans* I mean the entire spectrum and not exclusively mTf or fTm people who experience dysphoria.
This was actually the topic of discussion at my last support group meeting.
I’ve seen passionate arguments both for and against the *. It seems someone is going to be offended either way. Personally I’m pretty indifferent towards the * and care more about the context surrounding it.
I’m sorry people were shitty to you about not being “trans enough”. IMO trans people really don’t need to be in the business of policing other people’s identities. We get enough of that crap from cis people.
Uuugh, fuck trans identity police.
The asterisk can easily be used in shitty ways (especially transmisogynistic ways) but it looks like other replies have already covered that. I feel that cis people should never use trans* to describe someone else unless a specific individual has requested it.
But trans people who want to use trans* for themselves because it makes their lives easier should be allowed to. Though, they need to be aware that if they use trans* to refer to other people, they may be causing distress for those other people.
If you’re going to tag something as trans* and it doesn’t apply specifically to someone who identifies as trans*, then I suggest also using trans in the tags.
I really wish that identity police didn’t make trans* seem so appealing to the people they harass in the first place, so we could kill the asterisk. But, I recognize that a good number of people have started using trans* in response to bullying from identity police, and it’s become something almost like a reclaimed slur.
For the benefit of my new friend-and other people who have started following me but i don’t know where you came from why do people keep following me it’s so weird-here’s some other blogs I have:
fuckyeahmonsterenbies: Art, stories, etc by and/or about non-binary monster characters (this week, the theme is “truly gruesome” monsters, so it’s going to be a lot of horror, gore and blood until next Monday. Not my favorite, but it appeals to a lot of other people)
fuckyeahnonbinarymonsterssfw: The SFW version which also leaves out common triggers. (might be safer this week)
nbselfielove: Sharing selfies of non-binary folks (mostly reblogs, but takes submissions)
ftmselfielove: specifically binary and non-binary trans masculine selfies.
Hm, I wonder why I have trouble finding time to do stuff every day?
Huh. tumblr keeps saying i have a new message, but there is no new message. But then a few minutes later it says i have a new message again, or it says I have two messages but I only have one new message.
Went to a climate march today! I made a sign with a bee on one side and a polar bear on the other. Not as good as the mother and kid team who made “give bees a chance” and “trees & bees not coal and oil” signs. Saw Joe Pakootas briefly speak (the guy I’ll probably need to vote for congress). Made a new friend and talked about things like communism, non-binary trans stuff, and bees.
Have I mentioned that i love bees?
starting a series of fairytales! But told in my own way So here’s the first one about a princess who only wanted to have her outside match her inside.
All my yes.
Sound? What sound? I didn’t hear a soft, forlorn sound, as if a heart were breaking from misery and joy all at once…